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Buffalito Buffet

The Amazing Conroy: Book 1

Lawrence M. Schoen

For years, Lawrence M. Schoen has been producing stories about the ever more popular Amazing Conroy and his companion, a buffalito named Reggie. Buffalitos are alien creatures that look like miniature bison and can consume anything. Their only waste product is oxygen... which makes for limitless possibilities. Here we present a collection of those stories, including Nebula-Award-nominated novella, "Barry's Tale," which adds to the adventures of the hypnotist-turned-business-owner as he and Reggie travel the known universe, as well as beyond Human Space.

  • Buffalo Dogs - A poverty-stricken hypnotist trying to redeem his finances gains a buffalito companion, Reggie. - (2001)
  • Buffalogenesis - Conroy founds his Buffalogic empire of buffalitos, gets very rich, and manages to not get his arms cut off. - (2006)
  • Barry's Tale - Conroy and Reggie save the life of a very special little girl - while sampling spectacular intergalactic barbeque. - (2011) (nominee for 2012 Nebula Best Novella)
  • A Buffalito of Mars - The red planet gets a terraformed atmosphere courtesy of the buffalitos - and Conroy has an alien encounter which he uses to enrich humankind. - (2007)
  • Requiem - A young, impoverished Conroy becomes "The Amazing Conroy" - and helps an alien friend to acquire immortality. - (2005)
  • Telepathic Intent - Conroy meets the love of his life, is charged with murder, and has to solve the mystery to save himself. - (2003)
  • The Matter At Hand - Conroy enlists the assistance of a gambler extraordinaire to defeat a telepathic alien in an exceptionally high-stakes card game. - (2008)
  • Yesterday's Taste - Conroy helps a friend recreate the recipe for a legendary dish with an hypnotic sleight-of-hand. - (2011) (nominee for the 2012 WSFS Small Press Award)

This is a collection of stories which sets up the Conroyverse, and is best read prior to the Buffalito Destiny and Buffalito Contingency novels.

Barry's Tale

The Amazing Conroy: Book 2

Lawrence M. Schoen

Nebula-nominated Novella

Recipe for an entertaining and humorous SF novella:

Take one mesmerizing rogue and an adorable, flatulent pet.
Add a barbecue competition...
American bison and martian thoats...
A child with the power to destroy a world...
An old man with a secret that could rock humanity...
A woman from college who hasn't aged in fifteen years...
Alien beings with instantaneous, galaxy-wide teleportation...
And a plushie!


Read this story online for free at the author's website.

Buffalito Destiny

The Amazing Conroy: Book 3

Lawrence M. Schoen

A former stage hypnotist, the Amazing Conroy really just wants to have a good meal. He's now the wealthy CEO of a company that leases buffalo dogs, alien creatures capable of biting into and devouring nearly anything. When he attempts to implement a solution for cleaning up massive industrial waste sites, Conroy becomes targeted by ecological terrorists who resent the use of alien technology (living or otherwise) to heal the Earth.

But kidnapping and the destruction of his corporate headquarters are the least of Conroy's problems. An unknown, telepathic intelligence has begun invading his dreams, warning of geological disasters that hinge on what Conroy does next. Further complicating his life are several groups of aliens, each believing that he has a special destiny to fulfill, though they don't necessarily agree what it is.

Accompanied by his pet buffalito, Reggie, Conroy must elude terrorists, confound alien zealots, withstand temporal distortions throughout the former state of Texas, and explore ancient Mayan ruins. His adventures will result in his reunion with a long dead relative, a chance to experience the world's greatest sandwiches, exposure to alien bliss, a battle with a megalomaniac on the slope of an active volcano, and a trip to the asteroid belt for a final face-to-face confrontation with the creature that had been invading his dreams. Somewhere in the midst of it all, he has to find his true destiny.

Trial of the Century

The Amazing Conroy: Book 4

Lawrence M. Schoen

Nebula-nominated Novella

What would you do to save your best friend?

At the end of Buffalito Destiny, Conroy had lost his fortune and fled Earth. Reggie, his buffalito, had survived diving into a volcano, but slipped into a coma.

Now Reggie is dying and the buffalito's internal nuclear furnace is growing unstable. Conroy's only hope lies with the Arconi, the aliens he ripped off to create his empire. Their help comes with a price: he has to go on trial for his crimes, against people who can telepathically tell when he's lying. Conroy knows he's guilty, but Reggie must be saved!

Buffalito Contingency

The Amazing Conroy: Book 5

Lawrence M. Schoen

The Amazing Conroy has left Earth far behind and taken his hypnosis act beyond Human Space. It should be show-business-as-usual, except for the energy being the size of a hundred suns that wants to study him, a plot to smuggle liquid gravity, a troupe of alien sex wrestlers, a hypnotized ghost, and Reggie his buffalito stuck in a saurian toilet...

Publishers Weekly says of this novel: "Fans of old-fashioned SF will love this fast-paced, chaotic, and good-natured adventure full of semi-farcical humor and pleasantly believable aliens."

Calendrical Regression

The Amazing Conroy: Book 6

Lawrence M. Schoen

Nebula-nominated Novella

In December of 2012, the Mayan calendar reached the end of its 13th baktun, completing the Long Count and signaling the end of the world... metaphorically. That was the day of Galactic First Contact, and the beginning of a new age for humans and aliens.

Eighty years later, Conroy, stage-hypnotist-turned-wealthy-CEO, attempts to slip away from the corporate grind just to enjoy a little downtime performing for conventioneers in the midwest.

But the alien Uary have come to Earth, and are intent on luring the Amazing Conroy down to Mexico with the promise of gourmet cuisine. They want to hypnotically regress the descendant of a Mayan priest and ask him a simple question about the end date of that ancient calendar: How did they know?

There's just one problem. Another alien, a Svenkali, has dedicated its life to purging the galaxy of the Uary. It's tracked them to Earth and while it bungled one assassination attempt, it managed to steal Reggie, Conroy's buffalito, in the process. What's a hypnotist to do?


Read this story online for free at Noble Fusion Press.

Barry's Deal

The Amazing Conroy: Book 7

Lawrence M. Schoen

Nebula Award nominated novella.

Barry's Deal is the fourth novella-length adventure from multiple Hugo and Nebula nominee Lawrence M. Schoen and the next installment in the ongoing tales of galaxy-travelling stage hypnotist, the Amazing Conroy, and Reggie, his alien companion animal, a "buffalo dog" who can eat anything and farts oxygen.

In this sequel to BARRY'S TALE (2014 Nebula nominee) Conroy and his buffalito, Reggie are travelling to Triton, to a casino hotel with old friend LeftJohn Mocker, a professional gambler with a double Coltrane rating. Why Triton? Well, there's an illegal auction scheduled there where Conroy hopes to win a bottle of Stonefish liquer, and the Mocker was on his way there anyway at the request of the Probability Guild to investigate allegations of cheating. It looks like everyone will get what they want except... the cheater turns out to be none other than Angela Colson, an eleven-year old girl of incredible power. Conroy saved her life five years earlier with her plushie buffalito, Barry. Somehow she's back, somehow appears to be in her late teens, and somehow has taken the casino for over ten million bucks!

Throw in an evil psychometrist portmaster with a grudge against LeftJohn Mocker, a stinky alien with a secret, and a terrorist with a suitcase-sized nuke, and the state is set for hypnotic hijinks and some fine dining as only The Amazing Conroy can command.